I don't understand. Really I don't.

I know I'm flawed. Terribly flawed. I'm like some fucking walking bomb that blows up at everything. I bitch about people I don't like. I glare at people who makes me pissed off. I laugh too loud. I'm too rash. I piss people off by saying mean things. I'm overflowing with flaws.

I feel so tired so sad so hurt I want to give up. I hate it when people hit me I hate it when people insult me I hate it I see others so much better than me. Nothing seems to work for me. I feel so disappointed. In myself and it sucks.

I'm so fucking weak I only know how to attack when being attacked. Only when it's too late then I'll realise I'm too much. I'm so guilty. To my mom and my bro, to all the relationships I screwed up so so so bad. yr, ym, jw. I'm so sorry I don't know what to say. I can't forgive. I want to but I just can't. Every time I think about the old times I realise I miss him so bad. How can I ever be accepted if I can't even forgive a family member? It's so fucking hard.

It's hard to be what others want you to be, it's even harder when you try to be yourself. I don't really want to be anyone anymore. It's so hard.

All the conflicts and all. It's like trying to go against a hurricane, it's not going to work.

I feel so little, so insignificant. It's too much for me. I feel like I'm going back to pri 6 all over again. The hitting, the screaming, the knifes. The pain.

At the end of the day I'm going to be alone.

I hurt so bad I don't know what to do.

I want to just sit and stare at a wall. Until I turn into a bag of bones and crumple into dust, maybe just maybe it'll work.